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Interview With Kerri by Kerri Sackville

I love giving interviews. I am what one might call an ‘extrovert’ (if one was being polite; the other frequently used term is ‘show off’) , and I welcome any opportunity to talk about myself. However, too much attention is never enough, and in the absence of an interview to  complete today, I figured I would write my own.

Still, writing my own interview questions seems unseemly (and besides, I did it a couple of weeks back on my blog). So I thought I would enlist the services of my family to pose some questions to me. And here they are:

Little Man (11): What is the square root of your book?

Me: 749. But I would have thought that’s obvious.

Boo (3): I love you, mum.

Me: Thank you darling. I love you too. But that’s not really a question.

My Dad: What books have most influenced you in your writing?

Me: ‘Property Law’, by Sackville and Neave, 1971. I haven’t read it, but you have told me repeatedly it’s really, really good.

My Mum: What would you like for dinner on Friday?

Me: Chicken.

Pinkela (9): What’s really blue, the sky or the ocean?

Me: Um…. go ask your brother.

Hubby: Why can’t we all just get along?

Me: Oh good lord.

My Mum: Would you like a cup of tea?

Me: Thanks, that’d be nice.

Boo:  I love you!

Me: Thanks again, sweetie. Still not a question, though.

Hubby: I want a party with cakes and ice cream. Discuss.

Me: You’re 44 years old. Get over it.

Boo: I want to go to Spongebob land. Discuss.

Me:  Spongebob Land doesn’t exist.

Boo: Can we go tomorrow?

Me: Sure.

Little Man: How many digits of Pi can you name?

Me: I think it starts with three.

Hubby: Where are my white socks?

Me: In a far, far better place, I’m sure.

Pinkela: Can I drive?

Me: Not till you’re ten.

A Bit About Me And My Book by Kerri Sackville

Why I decided to become a writer

1. My acting career never took off so I needed to find another career path. I can’t sing or dance, I don’t understand share trading, and I missed out on getting into medicine by one mark*, so writing seemed like the logical choice.
2. I heard that writers make tons of money**.
3. I’m always running late and knew that I would never be able to get to an office job on time. Far better to work from home with no set hours so that the only people who notice my lateness are my children (and… er… their teachers).
4. I once got 22/20 for a high school essay. It was widely rumoured that the two bonus marks were because the teacher wanted to sleep with me, but this did not deter me in the slightest from deciding to become a writer.

Why I decided to write a memoir of marriage and motherhood

1. I don’t know anything about history or philosophy or politics or science and I really don’t like doing research very much, so I figured a memoir was the way to go.
2. It seemed much easier to write a memoir of marriage and motherhood than to write a memoir of my life as a tree frog. Seeing as… you know… I’m not actually a tree frog.
3. I wanted to write a testimony to the beauty and strength of my marriage. That didn’t exactly pan out, but the intention was there***.

*okay, about 50 marks….

**I seem to have been mislead on that count.

***okay, so the intention wasn’t really there, but it would have been a pretty boring book otherwise

Top 10 Best Things About Being A Parent by Kerri Sackville

1. I had lots of inhibitions before kids. Since having half the medical staff of Royal Women’s check out my vagina, and whipping my boobs out in every shopping centre and cafe in greater Sydney, I am not encumbered by any inhibitions any more. Or dignity, for that matter.
2. Giving birth was a very interesting experience. Nothing in my life will ever again be that painful, which is comforting to know.
3. I get to raid my kids’ lolly bags. All those Fantales and Smarties and jelly babies at my disposable, week after week after glorious week.
4. On  those rare occasions I look nice I get to be called a ‘Yummy Mummy’ instead of just a ‘woman’. Sadly, on most days I wake up looking more like ‘Haggard Nana’ than ‘Yummy Mummy’, but it’s still a nice thing to aspire to.
5. My kids ensure that my ego never gets too large or cumbersome. “Stop singing Mum! You’ve got the worst voice ever,’ says my daughter. ‘Mum, can you not speak to my friends? You’re totally embarrassing,” says my son. “Mum what this line on your face?” asks the three year old, pointing to my wrinkles.
6. I get to relearn primary school Maths every afternoon at homework time. And this time I have to actually concentrate. I wouldn’t want my kids to fail.
7. I have vastly expanded my cooking repertoire to accommodate my growing family’s needs. I now make chops, frankfurts and chicken as well as eggs on toast and noodles.
8. My children give me a nice excuse not to have so much sex. “Sorry! I think the baby’s crying!”
9. The kids smother me in love and affection. Except when I’m the worst Mummy in the world. Which, admittedly, is frequent.
10. My kids rock my world.

Top 10 Reasons I’m Glad I Got Married by Kerri Sackville

1.  I couldn’t have written a book called ‘When My Husband Does The Dishes…’ if I wasn’t married. Or at least I could have, but it would have been fiction, and I’m really bad at writing fiction.
2. I now have an anniversary to celebrate as well as my birthday. Of course, my husband doesn’t actually remember our anniversary, let alone buy me a present, but I have no qualms about using the occasion to buy myself something to celebrate having survived yet another year with a man who doesn’t remember anniversaries.
3. I have my three beautiful children. Of course, I could have had three beautiful children without my husband, or indeed with my husband without having married him, but it has saved a lot of awkward questions along the lines of ‘Mum, how can you have a baby without being married first?’
4. I get to say “I don’t know, I’ll have to ask my husband when he comes home” when telemarketers call, even though I have absolutely no intention of doing any such thing. (Interestingly, my husband tells telemarketers he’ll ask his wife, so the benefits go both ways.)
5. I get someone to massage my feet every night with scented oils. Ha! I was just checking that you are paying attention. AS IF!!! Have you ever been married???
6. When a man gives me unwanted attention I get to say ‘Sorry, I’m married’ and no feelings are hurt.
7. When a man is not giving me enough attention I can flirt as wildly as I wish and if he doesn’t respond I can pretend that he is imagining the whole thing. ‘I’m not trying to flirt with you! I’m a married woman!’
8. I have a huge collection of platters that I received as wedding gifts. Of course, I don’t actually use platters all that often, but it’s nice to know they’re there in case of a plating emergency.
9. I get to have sex whenever I want (which admittedly is far less than I wanted to have sex before I got married).
10.  I’m way too tired for dating.

Some Surprising Facts About Publishing A Book (From Someone Who Has Just Published Their First) by Kerri Sackville

It has long been my dream to publish a book. I followed my dream fiercely, and knew that once it became a reality, it would truly change my life. And it has. I am now a published author, which means that when people ask me what I do, I can say ‘I’m a published author’. (Although I wouldn’t, of course. That would be wanky.)

Surprisingly, though, apart from being able to say ‘I’m a published author’ (and I still reserve the right to do so, should the situation arise in which it is not wanky to say it), nothing much else about my life has changed, even though, by rights, it should have. After all, I am now a published author.

For example:

1. People don’t magically recognise me in the street! This is particularly surprising, given that my picture is clearly displayed on the back cover of the book. Perhaps it should have been a bigger picture…
2. My children were not particularly impressed. ‘This is really embarrassing mum,’ said one. ‘Can I have my copy in pink instead of purple?’ asked another.
3. I still have to do the housework and laundry. This seems really unfair, considering that I am now a published author.
4. I still have to pay for things when I go into shops. Groceries, food, clothing, even books. For some reason, I thought everything would suddenly be free.
5. My husband still expects me to cook dinner (or at least organise for the pizza to be delivered). I pretty much expected him to start waiting on me, now that I am a published author.
6. My sex life hasn’t changed. Though I had anticipated that my husband would make love to me as if I was the Goddess of Literature, in fact we still have the same, comfortable marital sex we have always had. And he still expects me to do some of the work.

Still, on the bright side, at least I made billions of dollars. Ha! I was just checking to see if you were paying attention. Of course I didn’t make any money. I’m a published author, you know.